The Beam

"Looking along the beam, and looking at the beam are very different experiences." - C.S. Lewis

Here is a sort of continuation on the topic of friends and why relationships are important. "The beam" in Mr. Lewis' quotation should be interpreted as event, action, etc. His point is that while we are engaged in an act, we cannot observe and study it ourselves, but merely experience it. At the same time, those who criticize the act from their observations of it, are not able to experience what you feel by being inside "the beam."

This example may be extended to many situations, including romantic love, anger, lust, or even simple examples like being cold, or cutting wood. If you observe two of your friends steadily becoming angry at each other, and eventually break out into a fight, you are in a position to examine both sides, the causes and effects of the argument, and possible solutions. You are the disconnected watchman. However, stepping inside "the beam" and taking the place of one of the arguing friends, everything is different. You cannot think about what brought you to this point in the fight, only that you must overcome your now opponent. The situation to you is one of a power struggle and your thoughts are most probably simple instincts attempting to find a way to place you at "the top," in your pride's eye.

"Knowledge is power," "two heads are better than one," both of these phrases point to the powerful truth that friendship is necessary for the variety of views it provides. This is what the Proverbial Writer means when he states that "Plans succeed through good counsel; don't go to war without wise advice" (Proverbs 20:18). We need friends who can examine out situation and tell us what it looks like from afar, that we may step outside ourselves and determine the right course of action. At the same time, we cannot too lightly disregard the personal feelings involved with an action. What good would it be for a friend to tell a man who is truly in love that because he and his wife do not look happy together in public, they will never work out. What does the friend know of the hearts of either person? The love and affection of a relationship is between the lovers and God.

Obviously then, there will be disagreement and a taking of sides when friends must discuss what one feels and the other sees, but that is preciously why each is "iron." Iron clashing with iron will sharpen both, and cause sparks in the process. We cannot fear the sparks, only attempt to reduce them through humility and respect towards one another. What is important is not that the observing friend is always right, but that he is always there. We cannot go into the war of life without our wise counselors even if they should lead us to defeat. Ultimately, we must gather all our options, examine them, and proceed in what our conscience tells us is most in line with God's word, with reason, and with love.