The Beam

"Looking along the beam, and looking at the beam are very different experiences." - C.S. Lewis

Here is a sort of continuation on the topic of friends and why relationships are important. "The beam" in Mr. Lewis' quotation should be interpreted as event, action, etc. His point is that while we are engaged in an act, we cannot observe and study it ourselves, but merely experience it. At the same time, those who criticize the act from their observations of it, are not able to experience what you feel by being inside "the beam."

This example may be extended to many situations, including romantic love, anger, lust, or even simple examples like being cold, or cutting wood. If you observe two of your friends steadily becoming angry at each other, and eventually break out into a fight, you are in a position to examine both sides, the causes and effects of the argument, and possible solutions. You are the disconnected watchman. However, stepping inside "the beam" and taking the place of one of the arguing friends, everything is different. You cannot think about what brought you to this point in the fight, only that you must overcome your now opponent. The situation to you is one of a power struggle and your thoughts are most probably simple instincts attempting to find a way to place you at "the top," in your pride's eye.

"Knowledge is power," "two heads are better than one," both of these phrases point to the powerful truth that friendship is necessary for the variety of views it provides. This is what the Proverbial Writer means when he states that "Plans succeed through good counsel; don't go to war without wise advice" (Proverbs 20:18). We need friends who can examine out situation and tell us what it looks like from afar, that we may step outside ourselves and determine the right course of action. At the same time, we cannot too lightly disregard the personal feelings involved with an action. What good would it be for a friend to tell a man who is truly in love that because he and his wife do not look happy together in public, they will never work out. What does the friend know of the hearts of either person? The love and affection of a relationship is between the lovers and God.

Obviously then, there will be disagreement and a taking of sides when friends must discuss what one feels and the other sees, but that is preciously why each is "iron." Iron clashing with iron will sharpen both, and cause sparks in the process. We cannot fear the sparks, only attempt to reduce them through humility and respect towards one another. What is important is not that the observing friend is always right, but that he is always there. We cannot go into the war of life without our wise counselors even if they should lead us to defeat. Ultimately, we must gather all our options, examine them, and proceed in what our conscience tells us is most in line with God's word, with reason, and with love.

Friend(s)

One of the quintessential aspects of being human is to participate in relationships, and specifically, friendships. Jesus had a lot of acquaintances, a small group of friends, and a very few who were his "true" friends. I say true, because you can have a friendly relationship with someone above the level of acquaintance, and yet they may never engage in truly loving acts towards you. The true friend, is he who sharpens you "as iron sharpens iron." This sharpening characteristic is absolutely necessary in someone you know.

What we have to remember though, is the process of iron sharpening iron is dirty, sharp, rough, hot, difficult. If you're to be made better, you cannot remain the same, and you cannot be in constant agreement with the other piece of iron. "Think not those faithful who praise all thy words and actions; but those who kindly reprove thy faults" says Socrates. Being able to enjoy and participate in a group setting with friends is great, I don't mean that we should be looking for conflict with everyone in order to call them friend. What I do mean is that your truest friend will become the one who is both friendly, and challenging. The one who asks the difficult questions out of honest respect, honest curiosity, and honest intent.

I've many friends, but I've few pieces of iron. First and foremost, I realize that Jesus is the ultimate sharpening block, that he works in my circumstances and hears my heart and is always working to make me likened to himself. But on a less divine note, I've a couple other great friends. When I think of either, I think almost immediately of how I am convicted to be a better man by what they do, before my mind is drawn to anything else. One of my friends has powerful actions. He is frank, and he will spit out his problem just as bluntly as he will turn around to fix it. I have come to respect, love, and admire this man who can be so honest, and so sincere. God has no need to arraign him with overdue judgment, for he is at the throne seeking change almost as soon as he falls.

My other friend is like a spark plug for my mind. He is a deep thinker, and an honest intellectual, yet the purpose of his life is worship of the Holy One. This friend will, from time to time, ask for my thoughts on a matter. As much as I am honored to be considered for my perspective, I am even more overjoyed because his questions always ignite some new fire within my intellect. I believe some of my greatest thoughts have come as a result of the delving into God's word that his questions require. And that too is the iron! Often I rely on what I can imagine, what my own mind tells me, but no! this is not good enough for him. If my words are not God's he wants no part of them. Thus I must truly search the word of God and bring myself before Him, and when I do this, it becomes a small matter whether I or my friend held the correct view before, because God holds the ultimate truth. Being challenged to bring my well-supported arguments before the eternally wise Father opens my eyes every time.

I could go on, of course, but it's enough to know that I've pieces of iron that God is using to make me further into His image. Friends are great, but iron is a gift that you should not get rid of. Who's the iron in your life? Who renews your desire to love God fully? Who challenges you to realize God's truth instead of your own? Who will look you in the eye and tell you that you're wrong, and then encourage and support you in doing what's right?

"No greater love hath a man than he lay down his life for his brothers."

Find a friend who lays his life down for you, and for whom you lay your life down. THAT is love.