The Beam

"Looking along the beam, and looking at the beam are very different experiences." - C.S. Lewis

Here is a sort of continuation on the topic of friends and why relationships are important. "The beam" in Mr. Lewis' quotation should be interpreted as event, action, etc. His point is that while we are engaged in an act, we cannot observe and study it ourselves, but merely experience it. At the same time, those who criticize the act from their observations of it, are not able to experience what you feel by being inside "the beam."

This example may be extended to many situations, including romantic love, anger, lust, or even simple examples like being cold, or cutting wood. If you observe two of your friends steadily becoming angry at each other, and eventually break out into a fight, you are in a position to examine both sides, the causes and effects of the argument, and possible solutions. You are the disconnected watchman. However, stepping inside "the beam" and taking the place of one of the arguing friends, everything is different. You cannot think about what brought you to this point in the fight, only that you must overcome your now opponent. The situation to you is one of a power struggle and your thoughts are most probably simple instincts attempting to find a way to place you at "the top," in your pride's eye.

"Knowledge is power," "two heads are better than one," both of these phrases point to the powerful truth that friendship is necessary for the variety of views it provides. This is what the Proverbial Writer means when he states that "Plans succeed through good counsel; don't go to war without wise advice" (Proverbs 20:18). We need friends who can examine out situation and tell us what it looks like from afar, that we may step outside ourselves and determine the right course of action. At the same time, we cannot too lightly disregard the personal feelings involved with an action. What good would it be for a friend to tell a man who is truly in love that because he and his wife do not look happy together in public, they will never work out. What does the friend know of the hearts of either person? The love and affection of a relationship is between the lovers and God.

Obviously then, there will be disagreement and a taking of sides when friends must discuss what one feels and the other sees, but that is preciously why each is "iron." Iron clashing with iron will sharpen both, and cause sparks in the process. We cannot fear the sparks, only attempt to reduce them through humility and respect towards one another. What is important is not that the observing friend is always right, but that he is always there. We cannot go into the war of life without our wise counselors even if they should lead us to defeat. Ultimately, we must gather all our options, examine them, and proceed in what our conscience tells us is most in line with God's word, with reason, and with love.

Friend(s)

One of the quintessential aspects of being human is to participate in relationships, and specifically, friendships. Jesus had a lot of acquaintances, a small group of friends, and a very few who were his "true" friends. I say true, because you can have a friendly relationship with someone above the level of acquaintance, and yet they may never engage in truly loving acts towards you. The true friend, is he who sharpens you "as iron sharpens iron." This sharpening characteristic is absolutely necessary in someone you know.

What we have to remember though, is the process of iron sharpening iron is dirty, sharp, rough, hot, difficult. If you're to be made better, you cannot remain the same, and you cannot be in constant agreement with the other piece of iron. "Think not those faithful who praise all thy words and actions; but those who kindly reprove thy faults" says Socrates. Being able to enjoy and participate in a group setting with friends is great, I don't mean that we should be looking for conflict with everyone in order to call them friend. What I do mean is that your truest friend will become the one who is both friendly, and challenging. The one who asks the difficult questions out of honest respect, honest curiosity, and honest intent.

I've many friends, but I've few pieces of iron. First and foremost, I realize that Jesus is the ultimate sharpening block, that he works in my circumstances and hears my heart and is always working to make me likened to himself. But on a less divine note, I've a couple other great friends. When I think of either, I think almost immediately of how I am convicted to be a better man by what they do, before my mind is drawn to anything else. One of my friends has powerful actions. He is frank, and he will spit out his problem just as bluntly as he will turn around to fix it. I have come to respect, love, and admire this man who can be so honest, and so sincere. God has no need to arraign him with overdue judgment, for he is at the throne seeking change almost as soon as he falls.

My other friend is like a spark plug for my mind. He is a deep thinker, and an honest intellectual, yet the purpose of his life is worship of the Holy One. This friend will, from time to time, ask for my thoughts on a matter. As much as I am honored to be considered for my perspective, I am even more overjoyed because his questions always ignite some new fire within my intellect. I believe some of my greatest thoughts have come as a result of the delving into God's word that his questions require. And that too is the iron! Often I rely on what I can imagine, what my own mind tells me, but no! this is not good enough for him. If my words are not God's he wants no part of them. Thus I must truly search the word of God and bring myself before Him, and when I do this, it becomes a small matter whether I or my friend held the correct view before, because God holds the ultimate truth. Being challenged to bring my well-supported arguments before the eternally wise Father opens my eyes every time.

I could go on, of course, but it's enough to know that I've pieces of iron that God is using to make me further into His image. Friends are great, but iron is a gift that you should not get rid of. Who's the iron in your life? Who renews your desire to love God fully? Who challenges you to realize God's truth instead of your own? Who will look you in the eye and tell you that you're wrong, and then encourage and support you in doing what's right?

"No greater love hath a man than he lay down his life for his brothers."

Find a friend who lays his life down for you, and for whom you lay your life down. THAT is love.

The Cliff

Death, that fatal cusp,
I did not know it until it touched me.
Until I felt its cold reminder of what was to come.

Like a cold breath across my body as I try to cover myself with a blanket too small.
Truth, that warm assurance,
gives way to sanscullotish fervor with which men upheave humanity.
'Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici!' I cry.
But no, death wins yet; his perseverance eternal.

Or is it? Perhaps I am he "who chose death over denial," who did not fall from the cliff, but rather jumped into the abyss - daring to 'do all that may become a man' (for what is he but a means to the same end?). Freedom, that greatest virtue, holds all men captive in its embrace.

Is Death freedom? Surely not.
Life is freedom, our chance to enact upon the Stage some great movement of ourselves.
Death is but a gateway to the consequences of that movement.
Once dead, forever bound.

The Heart of a Ranger

You couldn't know me. Couldn't understand nor care long enough to listen to chronic remorse when life around you is so abundant and prolific. Your heart couldn't handle the juxtaposition and your mind wouldn't let you. I know this because I am a cynic, a man born to howl in agony over his own pain.

I lied. I wouldn't let you know me is closer to the truth. The warm hands of your affection make me shiver as I imagine the horrifying touch of your love. Don't do it, you'll break and burn me and it won't be alright. I am beyond you, go away. My excuses are the ravings of a man gone mad in a hopeless abyss.

My callused heart will not bleed for you. My shredded lungs will not breathe for you. Your most delicate caress will cause me to cry out - my liquid voice like sharpened glass, rending your soul. With self-righteous, perhaps even chivalrous honor, I will deflect you from that Liebestod.

I'm a man separated by my gregariousness. Life is an intersection of love and pain - that eternal paradox. God is not the end of the road (which would you choose?), he is the crux of it. Sitting on his throne, breathing life from the middle of that cross-way, he resolves the direction of the lost ants. I have walked through this intersection many times, always leaving it for the next path - wandering until I once again am shattered on rocks and fall back to the beginning. You also wait at this intersection. Love waits. I walk away time and again to avoid the pain - the love is no loss to my selfish heart. Until I can stand at the crossroads and ask for the way which is good, and then STOP! because I am already there, I will not be yours. I will not ravage your heart by acquiescing to your demands. Avoidance will be my weapon, my tool to deflect your blows until I am trained to riposte. The quest is long, it never really ends. Don't pretend. Don't wait. You won't know. I won't let you.

10/29/08

Sleep, my child sleep
the sun can rise on his own
and dream, my lover dream
don't lose yourself in reality

the grave, the cursed grave
will not keep you from me for eternity
oh death, wicked death
where you go I cannot follow

but I will keep, keep your memories inside
hold your words in my heart
I will sing, I will sing you a song
like a bird to the fading light

small, always small
but you were the greatest of them all
snow, falling snow
heralds the birth of an angel

I will keep, keep your memories inside
hold your words in my heart
I will sing, I will sing you a song
like a bird to the fading light

and I will not forget
I will love you yet
keep me a place by your side
a place to call home when I die

give me a hug to say good-bye
and one more wave from the window

- Jason

We, Humanity

There is a certain comfort that Christians have begun prescribing to their humanity that follows along the lines of Shakespeare when he writes that "the Devil can cite Scripture for his purpose." The doctrine that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" and created "in the image of God" is familiar, but not perhaps straightforward. We are God's children, created in likeness to him and loved unerringly by him. It's also true that humanity has sinned, and is fallen from birth. Our failure, however, has not caused God to turn away from us, and we find that he loves us still, perhaps even more necessarily. If God loves us at our most fallen moment then he surely continues to love us as we draw closer to him even as we continue to stumble. Unfortunately some Christians have taken God's unconditional love to acquire the idea of a grandmotherly love, the kind that accepts its object as perfect in every way simply because it's a grandchild. The grandmother view of God is harmful to the growth of Christians and nothing more than a sugar pill for sin.

Under the doctrine of grandmother love there is no need for change. God loves a man in his fallen state and God's love is really all we need, so why bother changing? This assumption is based in the idea that because God loves us, he accepts us. That is simply not so. Not in the sense that he will accept our spiritual dormancy until the day of our death when we find it necessary to have an excuse in the presence of Judgment. The apostle states this fact as so: "God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth." If we have claimed salvation through Christ we have received sanctification along with it, and if we are to practice truth then we must discontinue our living in spiritual darkness whether God loves us in such a state or not.

We do not need to worry about finding this light on our own or not being able to reach. If we submit that we are not acceptable in our present state, then God will be free to come in and work within us. Paul's words, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus," give us hope that not only are we changing to be like God, but it is God doing the work and not us. Our job is submission to God and his work is remission of our pride.

Change will hurt us though; nothing becomes better by remaining the same. In many ways change is presented to us in the form of pain, and we all fear it very much. Part of our job then is to realize that this world is not a palace built for our happiness and pleasure, but rather more a prison of sorts for our souls. When we come to terms with the idea that pain and hardship are methods of changing us, and that we live on this earth for that very purpose, we will not look so badly on either. And above all it is imperative to remember that God loves us, that our pain does not result from a lack of God. Our response to the Father when we are in pain should follow the words of the Proverb: "My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth." In fact, our pain is often not pain in the real sense, but instead a smudge on our pride. When we do wrong and are caught openly we are hurt because our pride wants to tell us that what we did was right and that we should simply be ignored if it was not. Until we surrender our pride to God we will fear pain and disregard change. Pride cannot be a Christian's final stance on the matter. We must not consider ourselves acceptable as is even if we are lovable; we do not know God fully nor thus what he wants in a finished product, but be confident, God is not finished with us yet.

The Net

Imagine the following picture:

A ladder rests in space somewhere of its own accord and you are climbing it. At the top of the ladder, wherever it is, is Heaven, or better yet sanctification. You have struggled up this ladder for many years, making progress a few rungs at a time, then losing foot, even slipping sometimes. The process is wearying but the idea of being holy is enticing and you fight on, asking God to give you a push every now and then. When the going is really tough you ask God to help you reach nearly every next step. You're sure he will help you and one day you'll come to holiness.

Some of us may relate the above imagery to our spiritual lives. I present here a problem with this idea of sanctification: God is not at any time the focus. At best he was a momentary support. The writer C.S. Lewis made an analogy of this concept in his book The Problem of Pain writing, "We regard God as an airman regards his parachute; it's there for emergencies but he hopes he'll never have to use it." Similarly, we hope not to fall from our ladder, thus when we even start to slip we call on God to save us.

There is a logical problem with only relying on God some of the time. God is absolute; he is either always capable of saving us, or never capable. If he were never able to save us then we would not call on him even if we fall off the ladder; in fact, we might as well not climb at all. However, if God is always capable of saving us, then we can also derive from who God is that he is better able to do so than we.

Then if God can save us all the time, we struggle in vain to climb the ladder on our own. Even when we call on God we only accept a minute piece of his power for us. In order to fully be embraced by God, we must first let go of our ladder. We shall instantly find that all the while we fought to reach the top, God was the net underneath waiting for us to fall completely. He waited patiently for the time when we would realize that we were not sufficient to reach the top of our own accord. God saved us at every slip to demonstrate his true location; that he was present in surrender and failure, not at the climax of our own success. And yet we foolishly thought his salvation was proof that we were to continue striving on.

It is necessary to our spiritual growth that we realize that God is not at the end of our success, but rather at the bottom of our surrender. In My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers explains that "When we come to the end of ourselves, not just mentally but completely, we are able to 'receive the Holy Spirit'...There is now only One who directs the course of your life, the Lord Jesus Christ." We must accept that when we surrender God will catch us, hold us, and make us all we need be. Sanctification is not the goal we set at the top of our ladders, but the process of being made holy by surrendering to the only One who knows what holy is. Pride and self-sufficiency will only hinder and delay the process. Don't be afraid, let God be your net.

"I will be your God throughout your lifetime - until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you." - Isaiah 46:4

Politics

(The following is a response to a political debate between some friends of mine, thus the opening statements. Other than that, this writing is rather self-sufficient.)

I see that this debate is as beneficial as the presidential debates; arguments "ad hominem" take the place of reason. As Plato would say, "The partisan, when he is engaged in a dispute, cares nothing about the rights of the question, but is anxious only to convince his hearers of his own assertions."

Let's look at two similar quotations that are also from Plato:

"When the tyrant has disposed of foreign enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing to fear from them, then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the people may require a leader."

"The people have always some champion whom they set over them and nurse into greatness...This and no other is the root from which a tyrant springs; when he first appears he is a protector."

Reasonably, both candidates are presenting themselves as protectors. McCain follows Plato's logic more literally, in claiming the danger of Islamic extremists and citing Islamic leaders' goals, intentions, policies, of destroying, or at least attacking, both Israel and the United States. Obama tells us that he is the protector of America, from itself more or less. He proclaims that we need protection from the economy, poor health care, etc. Now obviously each has plans relating to everything (aren't our candidates just so universal?), but looking at each candidates main point, in following with Plato, we have McCain as the protector from foreign attacks, and Obama as the protector from internal decay.

Now under this logic, I would look at which problem I feel I need the most protection from. On the one hand, extremists have bombed well...almost anything they can get explosives to; or on a more serious note, tens of thousands of innocent people. The other hand reveals that the economy is collapsing at the moment, and not everyone has health care, or education, etc. Both problems exist, but can both be fixed by government? Isn't that what we're electing after all, a man to run the government and not our lives? There's a difference, consider it.

While I'm on the topic of Plato, I'll note that he also stated that "The curse of me and my nation is that we always think things can be bettered by immediate action of some sort, any sort rather than no sort." This wisdom could be applied to both internal and external affairs at some level. However, when it comes to foreign affairs, it seems that to sit back and wait for other countries to act is foolish. What's the use in having an army that waits to be destroyed before mobilizing? That's not to say that the military should go Rambo on everything, but neither should it be completely passive.

As for internal affairs, the capitalist market is designed to correct itself and fully function without government intervention. There are of course high's and low's, but it is often arbitrary laws that restrict market efficiency as a whole. One may argue that the New Deal saved our economy in the past, that Democratic economy-fiddling is good; then I may point out that such fiddling has led to our current predicaments in some form. Hard times will come, but the government is not a financial institution. It is, however, our protector from foreign enemies.

Let our protector be elected to protect us from a real threat, and let's keep the people in power.

Falling

Could the pain get any worse?
Is your slowing breathing really living?
Don't let go of me yet,
Don't dream away the sunset.

Take me back to fields of spring,
to younger days and sunrise.
Tell me stories of old,
tell me of a life sold.

I'm waiting for the leaf to fall,
falling is the cost of love.
Autumn turns the oldest trees
to dust again, blown by the breeze.

The roots of your life
are planted in me, deep.
Let your memories slip by,
plant themselves in my mind.

I'm waiting for the leaf to fall,
falling is the cost of love.
Autumn turns the oldest trees
to dust again, blown by the breeze.

And autumn claims the best of these,
the birds, my love, and all the trees.
Oh sunny smile, warm my day,
I'll one day walk with you again.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

"TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20"

"Life begins at the intersection, what direction? What direction? What direction now? - Jon Foreman

Life is a constant intersection. Every moment causes the next, every breath is exhaled to breathe again, destruction gives birth to creation, and each moment influences how we consider the world. Who are you? Which Road will you take? What scenes will flood your eyes, what words will fall from your mouth, what thoughts will captivate your mind, what loves will dominate your heart?

More importantly, have you ever stopped at the intersection in order to think first? Do you consider who put those paths there in the first place, and who's going to be waiting at the end to greet you? Who's path are you taking, and where does it lead to?

"But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it." - Matthew 7:13

Will you?

Absolute Truth (WIP)

“Men have talked about the world without paying attention to the world or to their own minds, as if they were asleep or absent-minded.” - Heraclitus

The idea of absolute truth, a constant, stagnant, restricting truth, has gained a negative connotation in today’s world. People live their lives every day in avoidance of any certain truth, or purpose, which must be adhered to. Absolute is a word for religion, for Bible-pushers, for those who wish to by-pass the pleasures of life and ignore the wisdom of carpe diem. Qualitative statements are made by persons based on experiences, right? We’ve all become empiricists observing our own little worlds. If we all determine quality based on our subjective input, then isn’t right/wrong based on the individual? Forget the idea that rights and wrongs will collide and interfere with each other; we can all accept that with a little tolerance.

Such a world view presents a problem though, a serious issue. The underlying assumption of the “tolerance” argument, of the “no absolutes” idea, is not spoken, is in fact ignored, un-thought about, and disregarded, because to consider the idea of moral relativism is to uncover a contradiction. This contradiction is that stating the idea that “there is no absolute truth” is itself an absolute. The complete statement would look something like this: “It is an absolute truth that there is no absolute truth.” For indeed, if the argument against absolute truth is not in itself absolute, then it holds that there is room for absolute truth; and given any room for existence, absolute truth then rules out the idea of relevant truth. In essence, unless the statement against absolute truth is absolute itself, then it allows an opening for its defeat. Yet, if the statement is absolute, then by definition it defeats itself by contradiction. The idea that “there is no absolute truth” is an absolute truth, is self-defeating, illogical, foolish.

We are faced with only two choices in determining the existence of absolute truth. By definition of “absolute,” truth must exist, or not. If an absolute doesn’t exist all the time, for everyone, then it doesn’t exist all; which, as stated previously, is itself an absolute, and thus contradicts the notion of no absolute truth. Therefore we can either accept, or reject absolute truth. However, rejecting absolute truth requires a belief in absolute truth by which to deny its existence, and thus we really only have one option: to accept absolute truth as present, real, existence, for all people at all times. It may be asked, “But perhaps absolute truth is a new idea, one that did not exist in ancient times.” If there is an absolute truth, then it must have existed forever; it must be eternal, and beyond space and time. A non-eternal absolute truth is no different than a relevant truth.

Besides the fact that the existence absolute truth cannot be argued without a contradiction, absolute truth can be found in qualitative statements. When we make a statement about a thing’s quality, or correctness, we do so against the standard of absolute truth. Our views are based on an attempt to qualify a thing as true in the absolute sense. If truth was relevant, there would be no need to discuss, or claim it of anything. Each person would simply figure it out for themselves and that would be all that was needed. What would be the use of claiming one thing as truth, and another as false, if it did not matter in an absolute sense? How could one even start to form an argument when everything that one would use as support would only be true, relevant, and supportive for himself? When others heard the argument, not only would the claim be false for them, but all the support could be incorrect as well.

Teachers incorporate such an idea of absolute truth when they hand out tests for students. Each question has a true answer, and all questions being answered correctly is the absolute truth. When a teacher grades a test, she is making a qualitative statement about the answers that the student has given, and she determines the correctness based on the absolute truth of the test. The teacher then assigns a grade, usually a percentage, to show the student how close to the absolute truth he was. In the larger sense, we state that certain actions are good, and certain beliefs true, in an attempt to answer the test of life as closely to the absolute truth as possible. We make qualitative statements in our effort to receive a 100% grade on our assignment.

Following this analogy, we must ask who gave us the test in the first place. Who assigned absolute truth, and who will grade it when we are done and hand in the test? If absolute truth is eternal, and in a sense “outside this world”-in reference to our limitations of space and time, then the origin must also be eternal. It is foolish to consider that a being non-eternal could create something eternal; he would have no sense of eternity unless he himself could last forever outside of worldly restrictions. This is not to say that the being is beyond absolute truth however, as if he could somehow act in a way that did not follow absolute truth. Instead, because he created absolute truth, he must also determine it. Or perhaps it’s more accurately stated that absolute truth is determined by him, by his nature and who he is. Absolute truth is not so much a separate entity then, as it is simply the way things are, the way they must be in accordance with how this eternal being operates.

A Collection

Here is a collection of some of my writings that I want to share with others. I find that writing is a great way to connect with others, so any comments, thoughts, etc that you wish to share after reading these words, I would love to hear them.

Love Sold Cold

Love is moving shaking hurting, love is bending breaking burning, love is asking missing kissing and you don't know what you've been told but someone here is getting sold to lies and and pain, my eyes are sending to my brain images of a broken heart with wings made of flowers from the start. Where Happy goes, no one knows and he don't know what he's been told but someone here is getting sold to all that this cold life is not, to gravity and separate pots, to "let's do this and not get caught." You make life easy, please don't appease me, reveal to me why you want to breathe for me when all I do is think for me and live my life happily. I want the pain and the stress with all the patient duress while I live in Your Love and ask Your forgiveness and I finally know what I've been told but someone here's already sold.

Hands of the Guilty

All my life I’ve run for you,
but I have tripped and fallen too.
I have stumbled and been knocked down to your feet.
I called out to you in my distress,
you heard my plea and then regressed
to the place where I had wandered off the road.

I am not innocent. I am not holy,

So I throw up the hands of the guilty to arms that can hold me.
Don’t let me fall, don’t let me fall away.
These are the prayers of a guilty man to the one with love in his hands.
Don’t let me fall, don’t let me fall away.
Hear my prayer, hear my prayer.

My faith is drenched in blood you bled me
free of all my weakness, free of all my sin.
I work to praise your name, I sing songs to the heavens,
but every word I speak to you is a contradiction.

Hear the prayers of a guilty man to the one with love in his hands.
Don’t let me fall, don’t let me fall away,
as I throw up the hands of the guilty, to arms that can hold me.
Don’t let me fall, don’t let me fall away.
Hear my prayer

Today

I met this day on a lonely road

Between the two places that I call home.

He was waiting there for me –

Testing whether or not I could see

The reason for my coming here

Or the way that I appeared.

I knew not from whence I came,

But that soon was remedied by the same

As I glanced about and knew my place

Beside the shattered human race.

Juxtaposed here I knew that I

Had come from life and was thus to die.

This worried me not, this tragic fate,

Though some would scorn and others hate.

My Father must have sent me here,

Yes, it all becomes quite clear.

This day shall not withhold from me

All fire, earth, or wind or sea.

This day shall take what I cannot keep

But it shall not cause my heart to weep,

For in return humanity may choose

To forever gain what it can never lose.

And that, I think, is greater still

Than living for a heartless thrill.

I shall come back, I am not gone,
I am the now Awakening Dawn.